Desolance

Heard from my sister today that Alex, my friend is once again transferred back into Intensive Care Unit of the hospital again having developed a high fever overnight. It must have been more than 2 weeks now since that fateful day he was hit by a taxi intentionally along Scotts Road in Orchard area. Ever since that fateful evening, the internal bleeding in his head had led to 3 operations with more than 25% of his brain removed to enable the swelling within his skull space to expand.

I can never understand till this day what went on in that taxi driver’s head when he stepped on the accelerator that evening with Alex standing right in front of his vehicle preventing him from driving away. I guess one becomes irrational when anger infuses you for that temporary moment. Well that moment cost the future of my friend – almost reaching 30 and at the prime of his life.

The past few weeks must have been a roller-coaster emotional ride not only for Alex’s family members, but also his girlfriend and friends like us. As I write this diary entry, I feel guilty of having shrugged off a visit to the hospital this week due to heavy workload. Looking at his mum, I can almost feel what they must be going through. The constant uncertainty of his condition coupled with hope that he’ll be alright against all odds. The depression that ensue every time a doctor gives an update of his condition. And most painful of all – trying to forget the fact that he will never wake up ever again and the near certainty that his life will be in danger any moment. And that moment was today… once again, the tension and fear would once again engulf his family.

And as I write, I do pray that miracles exist. Kind of sad to see a friend in this state. Although we have not met up as frequently as before, we have been friends for more than 10 years after all. Somehow reality bites…

Sadness, of why I feel this way This emptiness inside, consuming the fabrics of my soul

Sadness, of why I feel this pain This inexorable feeling of despair stabbing my heart

Sadness, of why I feel loss This inertia force, slowly pulling me to the brink of event horizon

Sadness, of why this loneliness Never knowing, each day passing me by, my heart grows cold