My neighbors Winnie & Jeremy planned a little farewell dinner for me today since I will be leaving Singapore this Saturday. So I messaged Gabby this morning to inform her of our plans tonight. Jenny could not make it due to heavy workload and hand over duties as she will be leaving her job this Friday. I arrived late as I was over at Suntec trying to buy an ideal cabin luggage which took longer than expected. Was a bit of a let down Jenny could not join in for the dinner but we had lots of fun chatting and dining as usual!

Well Winnie spent quite a bit of time searching for the perfect french cut for the lamb rack main course. Basically, she searched quite a few grocers within the East and ended up buying the lamb rack over at Paragon. I was very touched by the fact that my both Jeremy and Winne took a lot of effort in looking for the ingredients and wine for this little occasion tonight. So we started with a bottle of Moet & Chandon Champagne with salad consisting of bitter rockets and salmon. Main course was none other than lamb rack served with potato salad and grilled whole baby potatoes. Accompaniment for the main course was a bottle of Corner Stone Shiraz. For interim desserts, we had fresh strawberries and a delightful passion-fruit sorbet with blue berries. This was served by a bottle of Corner Stone White Wine and we promptly ran out of other food items. I ran back up to grab the pack of seasoned scallops and we appreciated the remainder of the white wine accompanied by the scallops. 

The food was great as usual and the company was even better. We spent a lot of time talking about life in general, our work and our friends and every other thing under the stars. And it was at this moment that I realised how much Changi Rise means to me. And more importantly, these friends and neighbors of mine whom I have come to know so well and cherish. And as I sat there enjoying these magical moments, I cannot help but feel sad that this little congregation we have formed is sadly fading away now that Jeremy and Winnie has sold away their apartment and in the midst of moving somewhere else and I will be leaving Singapore soon… well so they say that good things don’t really last. And of course Gabby – one of the friends I have come to treasure will in no doubt be also feeling this separation of ways. But the good news is that no matter where we end up, this bond will remain strong and I sincerely hope that this will always be the case in the years to come.

Of all the farewell parties I have been attending in the past 2 weeks since leaving my employer, this is perhaps the most meaningful and treasured moments that will follow me to Hong Kong this weekend. And I hope that we will always be so close in time to come!

Well Jenny just got back and the time now is 0106 hrs… checking out now!

Do you ever get the occasional forwarded SMS from a mobile number only to see a number without a name? And no matter how hard you try and recall whose number this might be – you ultimately draw a blank? You’d probably know this person somewhere in the past… and because you’ve probably not made an effort to keep in touch, over time – this person/friend ceases to be one and became a set of 8 digits. Well the fact that this person is forwarding an SMS to you probably meant that you are still on his/her contact list. Which makes this realisation all the worse!

I am of course talking about myself as usual. And I guess I had a lot of friends just like any other person on the street. But somehow, due to the disruptive nature of my life and the periods I spent away from Singapore – my circle of friends started fading away like a picture photo-aging into oblivion. And I ask myself – is it because I made insufficient efforts in trying to keep my friends that were once my buddies? Or is it a natural passage of life – changing of priorities, getting married, having kids or pursuing careers which ultimately affects the friendships one strive so hard to forge to begin with? Coming back to the initial topic of that alien number on my cell. Well I do try and find out after much apologies who this friend is and to make sure that the number becomes a name. And of course we try and make an effort to catch up and fill each other in on the years we have lost contact with each other. But somehow, no matter how hard you try, the level of closeness could never be achieved since we are at a different stage of our lives with varying circumstances.

Well I do miss those days when we were once so carefree and time seem to be in abundant supply. The many nights we spend going out “moon-watching” since we love going out at night. Of buying drinks and snacks and simply driving our parent’s cars out to Marina Bayfront, Labrador Park, Mount Faber and a dozen other places. The supper trips to S11, Pasir Panjang Market, Mr Bean and so many other weird places we would think up. Well to those friends of mine that were once a bunch of owls, this goes out in memory of each and every one of you.

And of course, the verdict is that I am guilty of not making enough effort in catching up over the years. But I am glad that some of you are still around now that I am back. And I am happy that each and every one of us have grown up and we’ve moved on fairly well. Fond are the memories that shall remain in my heart and well, I guess this is life. We move on and our circle of friends changes over time…

I was invited to Leona’s launch party of her new firm called Talk Sense via Jenny and turned up with Ivan since he had a late meeting and was in the vicinity with nothing on. The turn out was pretty good with at least 20 people crowding the small shop that her friend opened for the event.

Leona is a pretty inspiring speaker and she has this unique ability to draw the crowd in her presentations and speeches. I am amazed by her innate ability to remember names so well it almost seem that she had known you for ages! She talked about her struggles as a transsexual living in a conservative Asian nation and the people that changed her life and gave her strength. She’s a really good PR person and her passion to fight for her rights, her zealous guarding of her principles and identity is something she holds dearer than career and money. She’s inspirational in her own ways in my eyes.

And I thought to myself – How many of us can truly say that we live each day of our lives to the fullest? How many of us are truly in a job that we feel achieved and passionate about? And how many of us truly has the courage to choose rights and principles over power, career and money?

Realised that Leona has a blog so have decided to add her link to my blog here…

Memories flooding our minds, of origins unbeknownst, unremembered.

Sweet distractions, as I try and wash away, under the spell of fragrant summer rays…

Where am I, this present moment… lost and cold, memories unfold – past to present as my heart grows cold…

Sweet distractions, just want to make it all go away, under the spell, wished I was back to yesterday…

My heart died, as I lay here, blood flowing my passions away…

another week almost over and it’s Monday blues once again…

What have I accompilished this week?

1-Played quite a lot of 9Dragons which is a free MMORPG game…

2-Went out with Walter after 2 weeks of hibernation over at Balaclava and we spent the night at Movida later on followed by drinks at this little pub over in Chinatown area.

3-Waxed the car finally… after 3 months of procrastination…

4-Hmmm…. still struggling with all the readings I need to do and trying my best to catch up with that huge pile of work awaiting me in a couple of hours when I get into the office…

 5-Well Peter , my UK lecturer stopped by Singapore and spent Saturday with Jenny accompanying him, taking him sightseeing and basically played host by offering our guest room for a night. He’s a pretty werid character and we had to take him to all these meetings he has pre-arranged which are his ex-students… not sure if he enjoyed himself with so many catch up sessions though… mostly female of course… cannot help but think that he’s like interviewing for a wife…

Yes… yet another week… time to sleep for now

Another year drawing to a close as I sit here before heading out to count down over at CHIJMES. My yearly routine since 4 years ago now with my closest of friends and loved ones. So much has happened over these past 12 months and it feels like an eternity. But at the same time – there is this feeling of loss… of how fast time has passed me by which sounds like a contradiction. 

This year began with me struggling to find myself in the new organizational chart having gone through a re-organisation. My bosses left and I was suddenly thrust into an alien environment with new bosses that had a coloured view of my team before we started our relationship. The first quarter was rocky and we finally settled into a routine.

My performance and frequent compliments by different senior managers kept me there. I was not as unhappy but neither was I growing or feeling satisfied. I started looking for a new role in June 2006 passively to see what opportunities were and came close to leaving in Oct but of course, certain unpleasant events occurred with the new firm I had intended to join and kept me staying on.

This was – in retrospect the most important event as it opened me up to a whole new world of opportunities when a senior director spoke to me about joining her world to set up a new business unit.

The process took more than 2 months and I finally joined in November 2006 and had been a hell of a ride. The learning curve was steep from day 01 and I had no luxury of resources. Things are finally going well after 12 months of constant changes and at moments – uncertainties.  My social life is as always been – largely uninteresting but I am thankful that my friends Walter, Benny, Ben stuck by me these past years. Gerald, Michael and Adrian – my drinking buddies as always – many nights of beers and chilling out.  

My marriage life has been rocky and moments where I am in total disillusionment and despair. But Amy, Doris and my family have been encouraging. They have been my anchor of strengths in these trying moments. Status quo? I am not sure if this is what profound happiness and love should be but things are sailing on uneventful and the feeling is one of habitual comfort.  

 My family – I have not spent as much time as I would have liked due to the heavy demands of work but I made it a point in my mind to spend more time with Dad and my brother and sister this coming year. 

 Studies – well, it’s been hard juggling so many aspects of my life and studies. It’s been hard but enjoyable and in the coming year – I pray that I have the perseverance and strength to see me through most of the outstanding modules and to graduate in early 2008. 

 Well, it’s almost the end of 2006 now as I type…

Strange – happiness is not about how many friends you have, or how much you have or the lifestyle you lead. I guess it’s all about that moment that you can look at yourself and feel an inner sense of joy and contentment for yourself. Anyway countdown here I come and to all my friends that are out there be it someone I know or a stranger in passage – I wish you a Happy New Year and may the year of the fire pig be one of bountiful harvest and immense joys!

Memories of yesterdays,

Wondering where’ve you gone

Love is going to fade away, as you disappear away from view

Sweet distractions, you’re always on my mind

Lazy summer days, washed away

The smell of green summer rains

It’s funny how after a while, there’s this feeling that I have revealed too much about myself and there’s this inherent need to delete everything and start all over again. Start a fresh canvas and fill it with something new. And as I read through some of the postings I had done since the start of this space – Suddenly, I realised just how much of myself lives within these space. And I made this commitment to myself – That I will post on infrequent as it may be…

The past 2 weeks have been a roller coaster ride for me. First a headhunter approached me and convinced me to consider joining one of my ex-employers which I am not very adverse to. After much persuation – I agreed. And that was the beginning of a 2 week hell ride for me. Things went well at first with the interviews going in most excellent manner and the stage was set for an offer for me to move. And over the past few days things died down suddenly without warning. And finally came the bomb – they have been going all over the place trying to ask about me and no doubt – some people in that organsation said some unflattering comments about me and they started reconsidering their offer. And so that was the end and I felt gutted and betrayed for a while and it died down. But what’s so disappointing for me personally ain’t the lost job offer – because I never wanted a new job anyway.

I guess what really pissed me off was the fact that the company HR started telling the world at large about me being desperate for a job and it got to some people in my current organisation! This is truly a humbling and humuliating experience for me and I swear this will be the final time I’d ever consider any offers coming from that place. Through all these up’s and down’s … I was thankful that it ended the way it did – for I would have been trashed when I did join anyway.

And as I write this passive reflection of this event… I cannot help but think about how evil people can be and how unthoughtful they could be. These people talking about me that way probably do not even know me personally nor would they be in a capacity to provide reliable feedback about me. How ugly a world we live in dominated by people like these. I am grateful that I am brought up in a moral world where at least – my conscience would never allow me to say things like that on a purely speculative and opportunistic manner. 

And as I write – a calm befalls this uncertain soul and finally… I am at peace and happy once again. Although I wished I had never started this exploration in the first place but I am happy to take that as a painful learning lesson on human nature…

As usual, Jen is sleeping next to me as I watched the game unfold… England vs Ecuador and the mighty English seemed all too boring in this knock out stage. 45 mins passed and it’s half-time with no score whatsoever. And looking to my side, she is dozing off with Topic Six of Accounting lectures in her arms.

And I sat there for a while – watching her sleep with her legs on my lap. That familiar twitching of her foot whenever she starts drifting into slumber during the first half stopped signifying that she is now in deep sleep. And I sat that wondering to myself – of how time flies. It’s been a year and we just celebrated our first anniversary since our wedding last June. Watching her – I felt like I had known her forever… whatever anger, disappointment, disillusionment fades whenever I watch her sleep. For she is beautiful and all so innocent…